Mommy 2 Be

4 weeks 6 days to go!

2009-08-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

From the title of this blog I am sure you all can guess that I am starting the countdown! I am soooo ready to have this baby! It has been hot and miserable for the last few weeks and I am growing more uncomfortable by the day. On the plus side of things, it seems that Eric is starting to accept things a little bit more and he is doing exceptionally well with me. He is still struggling with growing up a little bit, but I think that once Joshua is born he will man up and be there for us. I am grateful now more then ever for my mom and dad, who have been supporting me since I quit my job in december and haven't been able to find one.
Things around here a little stressful lately, Tiel and her husband and the kids just moved back in and at times I feel like I am being taken advantage of when it comes to watching thier children, sometimes it seems like they expect me to instead of asking. It is getting a little bit better tho.
Well I don't really know what else to say right now, but here is an update for you all. Love you!

it's been awhile,

2009-07-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

I know I know I haven't posted a blog in a long time, just been unsure what to say, nothing new really. I a still not working, still pregnant (lol) ready for it to be OVER! I did finally get on medicaid and food stamps so that will be helpful. Other then that I have just been hanging out with friends and working on the house, or sleeping lol. Sorry I don't really have much else to say. I will post more when I have a clear head! Love you all!

Name!

2009-05-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

So this is gonna be short and sweet because I am kind of rushing so I will try and post more later but we have FINALLY decided on a name! Joshua David Jansma! I am very excited because it's I picked it out hehehe, but Eric really liked it too. So for now that is all you get I will write more soon, promise! Love you all!

One for my cousin

2009-05-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

I want to use this blog to express my gratitude for a wonderful woman in my life...my cousin Nan.

As you all know I am pregnant and have been having some issues trying to decide what to do with my life lately. One woman who has been there for me through this whole process has been Nan, she has been there for me as a huge support and I can't even come close to expressing how much it means to me to have her there as a voice of experience.

Unfortunately due to difference in age and locations our whole life, I never got the chance to establish a real relationship with my Glover cousins which I have always wished to have, but over the last few months my relationship with Nan has grown and become wonderful, I know I can call on her for any need I may have and she has become a close friend and confidant.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was unsure of what I wanted to do with my baby, I had all sorts of questions running through my mind. Should Eric and I get married? Should I try and single parent? Should I give my baby up for adoption? While I was struggling with all of these should's, my mom suggested that I call up my cousin Nan, who placed a baby when she was 19, I called her and ever since she has been a wonderful resource for me. She has never once told me what I should or shouldn't do, just there to listen and give her opinion when asked.

So Nan, this one is for you. You have been so wonderful to me through this most difficult time in my life, and I am grateful for the opportunity to develop a relationship, and bond with you. Thank you for being a wonderful support network, I look forward to continuing to build a relationship with you. I love you.

In another topic, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! To all the wonderful moms in my life! I love you all!

Sara D.

I'm back

2009-05-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

So after many weeks of blog sloth, and writers block, I figured it was probably time for an update.
I had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and found out I am having a little boy, and I am due September 17th. I am really starting to feel him moving around in there and at first it was a little bit weird, now it's kind of cool, unless I am trying to sleep of course.
Lately Eric has started manning up a little bit more and being more involved with the whole pregnancy process. He's also been acting more like a boyfriend then a friend lately too (although we are still not together, I can see things moving in that direction eventually.) Another thing about him is that he has been super attentive recently, he calls me almost every day to see how I am doing and ask if I need anything, he comes by a couple times a week to just chill and hang out, all in all things are progressing really well with him and I am genuinely happy right now. I am not 100% ready to be dating him again, but as long as he continues down the path he's on, I can see it happening in the not too distant future!
In other news I am still struggling to find a job, the economy blows right now and it's really showing. I am so frustrated with just sitting at home all the time, I need to be able to get out there and blow off some steam soon!
Well that is really all I have to say for now
Sara D.

Changes...

2009-03-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so I know that my earlier blog I said some pretty angry things about Eric, and that was how I was feeling at the moment, I really don't hate him (at least not all the time lol). We met up tonight and talked a little bit about how I am doing, he really seems to actually genuinely care about my well being (most of the time), I know that I have to be patient with him, and that he will come around eventually, but sometimes it's just so frustrating to be pregnant and hormonal, and dealing with him being hormonal and crazy, if that makes sense to anyone. He is a very nice guy when he wants to be, but he is a 22 year old guy, who doesn't know what he wants from life let alone, what he should do for a child's well being. I am at the stage of my pregnancy were you can feel the little appendages of the baby inside me, so while we were hanging out I put Eric's hand on my stomach and pushed his fingers in so he could feel it, he kinda grinned and then started rubbing my belly, it was pretty cute. I don't really know what to think about him somedays...he's wonderful and attentive and caring, others... the boy drives me bonkers! I think that taking a break here and there though is really what we both need, so neither one of us is driving the other insane. In other news Tiel is due anytime now and we are all so excited for this new addition, Bridget Janae. It's just so hard to believe that Annicka isn't going to be the "baby" anymore, but she seems to be adapting pretty well already, she walks around the house saying "Bidget, Bidget" it's so cute, and if you ask her where Bridget is, she'll walk over to Tiel and lift her shirt up and kiss her belly, it's so sweet. Annicka has such a wonderful little personality I have never met a 2 year old with so much spunk! She is really a blessing and I adore all the time I get to spend with her. Well that is really all I have to say for now, will post more soon.
Lot's of Love,
Sara D.

Stole this from my friend Sammie, thought you all would get a kick

2009-03-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

This is to all of you that may be a Mormon,
that may know a Mormon,
that may live in Utah ,
that may have lived in Utah
or have heard about Mormons.

If all your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape...
You might be a Mormon.

If you postdate your checks while shopping on Sunday...
You might be a Mormon.

If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in gosh...
You might be a Mormon.

If your Mom was pregnant at your sister's wedding reception...
You might be a Mormon.

If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts...
You might be a Mormon

If you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups...
You might be a Mormon

If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house...
You might be a Mormon.

If you've ever written a "Dear-John" to more than two missionaries on the same day....
You might be a Mormon.

If you were frustrated when your son "only" got accepted to Harvard...
You might be a Mormon.

If you have one kid in diapers and one on a mission...
You might be a Mormon.

If you have never arrived at a meeting on time...
You might be a Mormon.

If you have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world countries...
You might be a Mormon.

If you've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and The Glory"...
You might be a Mormon.

If you think it is all right to watch football on Sundays as long as a direct descendant of Brigham Young is playing...
You might be a Mormon.

If you have to guess more than five times the name of the child you're disciplining...
You might be Mormon. (that is so you mom!!!)

If you automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own Burgers...
You might be Mormon.

If you go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi...
You might be a Mormon.

If you arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person there...
You might be a Mormon.

They cracked me up,
Sara

Just an update.

2009-03-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

So I haven't posted for a few days, so here is an update. I haven't really been doing anything lately, just kinda chillin at home. They Dr has scheduled me an ultrasound for April 8th at 10 in the morning, I should be able to find out what it is! It's pretty exciting, I just wish I could get Eric excited about the little things like I am. I had an appointment last week and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time, I cried it was beautiful, but I was also crying because I so badly wanted Eric there to hear that for the first time and he just doesn't seem to care. I don't know what to do with him anymore. I haven't really been spending that much time with him lately, we used to talk and see each other everyday, because I would call him everyday, I quit calling him, now if he wants to talk he calls me, and that is that. I am done chasing him around like a little puppy dog, if he wants to be part of my life he can get in touch with me. I haven't called him in about 3 weeks, he calls me every other day, or every 2 days, and he comes over maybe once a week. I really could care less at this point in time I have other more important things to worry about. Well that is really all I have for now I will post more soon. Love you all!
Sara

Being random

2009-03-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

So I can't sleep, this is becoming quite a regular occurrence and frankly it's driving me nutso. I have always had a touch of insomnia since I can remember and before I got pregnant I took sleep aids so that I could drift off into a wonderful dreamless sleep, now not so much, even Tylenol pm doesn't really do anything but make me lethargic and grumpy lol.
Speaking of dreams, since I got pregnant my dreams have been so frickin weird, I mean we're talking dinosaurs and random adventures with the kids from Harry Potter and Twilight, like crazy weird. I wake up almost every morning thinking "what the heck was that?".
There is a lot going on in my life right now and I am really trying to asses the situation from all angles, I don't know what I want to do right now and it's driving me crazy, and on top of it all Eric is being completely useless right now, the boy is so freaking immature that I can't even stand it. I want to kill him some days, then there are the other days when he calls me up after he gets off work just to tell me he was thinking about me all day, talk about super confusion. I don't know what he want's and until he can figure it out I told him to back off. I care about him deeply and want us to work things out, but I think that he's more concerned with partying all night and sleeping all day. I wish he would wake up and realize that this situation is pretty serious and he's continuously breaking his one promise of making sure I didn't have to do this alone, because at every turn, that's exactly where I find myself...Alone.
Why can't young men understand that there are consequences to all actions, whether they be positive or negative, there are always going to be consequences. I am desperately trying to be patient with him but he's making it increasingly difficult, I understand that this situation is hard on him too, that it's not just hard on me, but he needs to realize how much harder it is to be a young woman in this situation, I mean for crying out loud I have a life growing inside me! How exciting and scary this is, it's really starting to hit me even more now then ever.
In other news, I reapplied at wal-mart and I am hoping to get a call within the week so wish me luck. I am kind of excited to go back, it's my second family out there and I know that they will all work with me so well through all of this.
Anyways that is my rant for the day. Love you all post more soon.
Sara D.

Older poems I have just recently found hope you enjoy

2009-03-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

Too Late
Falling further into darkness.
Feeling lost,desperate, and hopeless.
Wanting the pain to attack me.
Kill me inside for what I have done.
Already dead inside my soul.
Wishing to hurt again.
I know I am not alone.
But feel like I am anyway.
No one to talk to
No one understands
It was ultimetly down to me,
I made the choice,
but now I wonder,
was it the right one?
I feel ashamed, scared, and lonely.
Pain, anger, depression, and hate for myself.
Too late to go back now,
can't change the past,
It's too late for me now.

My Weakness
I walk into the room,
and smile when I see you standing there
so warm and inviting
you'll always be my weakness

You offer comfort,
I accept the familiar numbness that you bring to me
so sweet and seductive
you'll always be my weakness

You offer relief,
I revel in the lovely slow death that you bring
so loving and caring,
you'll always be my weakness

I find you everywhere I go,
even though I hate you
I will always need you
you'll always be my weakness

I wish that you would go away
Even though tomorrow I will turn to you and need you again
I hate you
but you'll always be my weakness.

In My Shoes
I wonder how you would feel
if you spent a day in my life
would you look at me differently?
or would you be the same
after spending a day in my shoes.

I wonder how you would act
if you spent a day in my life
would you tell me that you were wrong?
or would you say that you're still right
after spending a day in my shoes

I wonder what you would say
if you spent a day in my life
would you stop going behind my back?
or would you still talk all your crap
after spending a day in my shoes

All I ask of you,
is that you know my life isn't perfect
I know that yours isn't either
but you don't know how much harder mine is
Spend a day in my shoes and see how much you like it

All I ask of you,
is that you let my past die down
I know you have a past as well
but you don't know my secrets
Spend a day in my shoes and see how much you like it

All I ask of you,
is that you leave me alone
I know you don't like me much
but you don't know how I don't like you either
Spend a day in my shoes and see how much you like you

WHY?
I sit here and I ask God Why?
Why is there pain?
Why is there sadness?
Why is there anger?
Why do we cry?
As I ponder all these Whys?
I think......
Without pain we would be unable to appreciate hope.
Without sadness.....happiness would not exist.
Without anger no one would be able to make up.
Without tears none of us would be able to love.
So when I think that.....
Pain, Sadness, Anger, and Tears are bad.....
I think of all the good....
That we would be missing without them.

LOVE
I find myself lying in a state of despair.
Sitting here wondering why is life so unfair?
I've had great love and I've had great loss.
Is putting my heart on the line worth the cost?
I fall in love than get slapped in the face.
Everytime this happens thats always the case.
All I want is just to love,
Be put on a mantle like an angel from above.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn....
Is just to love and be loved in return.

ENDLESS
Endless pain...So hard to bear
Endless sadness...Your so unaware
Endless nights...Lying awake
Endless days...They make me shake
Endless taunts...You're laughing now
Endless jeers...But why and how
Endless life...So meaningless
Endless death...I wont be missed

Sara D.

So there are some of my OLD poems from quite a few years back. Hope you enjoyed

Broken...

2009-03-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

Broken can mean so many things,
maybe just a little damaged,
maybe it means beyond repair.
When thinking in terms of people,
it can mean hurt, destroyed, shattered,
feeling so low no one can possibly bring you back up.
Broken is what I feel,
lost and hurt,
confused and angry.
What do we do with a broken heart?
Do we cast it aside?
Do we force ourselves to heal and just ignore the pain?
Or do we wait it out and hope for the best?
What's the remedy for a person who feels broken?
Do we leave them to their own devices and pretend not to care?
Do we provide that shoulder to cry on, just listen and be there?
Or do we just ignore it and wait for them to come around on their own?
What are the right words to say when someone you love falls away?
Do you talk crap about the one who hurt you?
Do you cry endlessly through the nights?
Or do you grin and bear it like it doesn't matter?
What is broken?
I am.
Sara D.

Now I know that this poem really doesn't rhyme or make much sense at all I was just laying in bed thinking and felt the need to come to the computer and write and this is what came out of it. I have never been one for forcing creativity, I believe that if you are going to be creative that a poet can't force rhyme, or a painter can't always make a perfect picture, or a guitarist write the perfect song, it's all about what's inside you and letting it out in a healthy productive way, so there is my random jolt of creativity for now. Love you all.
Sara D.

Lost...

2009-03-02T22:20:00.000-08:00

I feel so hurt, so lost, so scared.
I don't know what to do I am completely unprepared.
I wish I could know what happens next.
When exactly am I going to be thrown into a new test.
I have so much to show, and so much to give.
I want to throw myself to into the future, I want to live.
I know I've made choices that aren't really the best.
I've had to live with the good, and I've had to live with the rest.
Life isn't simple by any means.
I have also learned that things aren't always what they seem.
I wish life would slow down and give me a break.
It just feels like there is no give, nothing but take.
Please help me to believe in me.
So that maybe one day I can live in my dream.
Sara D.

This is a poem that I literally just sat down and wrote. I have been going through some really rough times right now, which I will soon elaborate on for those of you who don't know what's going on please just bear with me as I try to figure things out. For those of you who do know what I am dealing with right now (not my pregnancy) please don't say anything yet. I will do so in my own time, when I have been able to make my decisions without bias or opinions, things are slowly starting to fall into place and I hope that in the near future, I will know what I want to do.
I love you all hope you enjoyed my random burst of talent.
Love,
Sara D.

Drifting Apart..

2009-02-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

So over the course of the last few weeks, I have realized some of the people I had been calling "friends" haven't really been there for me through this one of the most difficult periods of time in my life. I texted one so called "friend" that I haven't heard from in about 2 or 3 weeks, today and I asked her "why haven't you been calling or texting me lately, are you mad at me?" and the response I got was this "No just been busy" and that was it. No sorry how have you been nothing. I know this may sound like I am being petty but this is a girl who a month and a half ago was calling and texting me like a million times a day so this is pretty weird. I inquired around to some of our mutual friends, and was told that she has been very social with them, going to the bar, going to their houses, going to the movies, whatever, but she has been "too busy with school and stuff" to hang out with me or even have a simple conversation with me? I was also told that she thinks that since I found out that I am pregnant that I have been and I quote "More annoying and irritating then ever before", I heard that and I broke down and started bawling my eyes out, this is a girl I have known since I was 18, so that really hurt. What did I do to deserve that? Then to top it all off, I had the scariest dream ever last night and woke up in tears, I really don't want to go into details about it let's just say it had something to do with me losing my baby, it terrified me. So anyways I guess I just needed to rant for a bit, thanks for listening.
Sara D.

I am such a loser!

2009-02-15T21:55:00.000-08:00

So I have spent my entire day reading, what book you may ask? Well Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, I just got to the part where Snape kills Dumbledore and no matter how many times I have read it...I cry, seriously I have totally come to expect Dumbledore to die and yet I cry? I have actually been an emotional basketcase lately, EVERYTHING seems to set me off, if I am not crying...I am angry with someone for something.
So to all you women who have had kids...does this part ever go away? I am already an emotional windstorm if you will with my Bipolar disorder, so all these other hormones are just driving me insane!
Another thing about being pregnant thats driving me nuts, is how exhausted I feel ALL THE TIME! I swear I could sleep all day and still be completly wiped out, I am getting kind of annoyed. I find myself napping now, I never used to nap, heck I never used to be able to sleep when it was daylight now I find myself crashing out on the couch at 12 noon with the curtains and blinds wide open!
I had my doctors appointment last week and it well, I am about 9 weeks along and due September 16th.
That's really all I have to report for now,
love you all,
Sara D.

50 Facts about Sara D.

2009-02-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

50 Questions we want to know about you. Please answer and you know the drill...

I tag... My mother Lesli, my father David, Tim and Nancy, Nan and Britt, KD and Clay, Chrislynn and Richie.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Not that I know of.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Last night actually, I was hanging our with Eric and I had been having a rough day (can't really remember why), he was so sweet though, he pulled me in and let me cry on his shoulder.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Only when I try to make it legible, otherwise it sucks.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I like honey turkey.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
One on they way.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would like to think so yes.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No Never. (lol hehehe)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, and I am the only one in my family who does.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I would like 2 try anything once.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Fruity or Cocoa Pebbles.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Depends on what kinda shoes I am wearing.

12. FAVORITE LOCAL RESTAURANT?
Teryaki Bowl Express

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
My recent favorite is Drumstick by the dryers brand.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Not to sound superficial but what they are wearing.

15. RED OR PINK?
Pink.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Not going to share that.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My Onnie, I wish she didn't live on another continent sometimes.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
If they are really bored, then YES do it!!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pink, white, and red striped pajama pants, and pink fuzzy slippers that massage my feet hehehe.

20. LAST THING YOU WATCHED ON YOUTUBE?
The trailer for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Currently...a proactive commercial

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
I don't know depends on the mood I am in that day.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
I love the smell of fresh baked goods, and my dad's ribs and roasts.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My friend Holly.

25. Do you know the person who sent this to you?
Yeah my friend on Facebook.

26. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH?
I am not really much of an observer, I prefer to play.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Like a Chocolate Cherry color

28. EYE COLOR?
Sometimes blue, sometimes green

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I want some.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Right now it's a toss up between KFC Arby's and Taco Bell.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Depends on my mood.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Sout Park bigger longer and uncut

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black tshirt and a red hoodie

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer, always Summer.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Both. From the right person.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Cheesecake.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
... someone who is VERY bored.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
The ones who do not.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Host by Stephanie Meyer

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
i do not have a mouse pad.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
CSI: Miami

42. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
Eric's voice, any kind of music

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Florida.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Singing.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Salt Lake City Utah.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Anyones

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
At work.

49. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT ANNOYED YOU?
I do not wish to answer that question.

50. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO TRAVEL TOO?
Everywhere.

Girls Day Out!!!

2009-02-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

So I was sitting at home being bored yesterday morning and my friend Cassandra (whom I haven't seen in months) called me and asked if I wanted to go shopping with her tomorrow (which is actually today now), see Cass lives up in Bozeman so we really don't get to see eachother often and I of course said yes, and we invited our other friend Kellie to come out too, cause all three of us haven't seen eachother in ages! So I am waiting for Cassandra to come get me and we are guna go get Kellie then have lunch, then we are going to spend the whole day SHOPPING!!!!!!! Then tonight Kellie and her husband and Cassandra and her husband, and I are going out (I'm so used to being the 5th wheel with these guys that it's normal now, it's not like I get ignored or anything). For about 2 or 3 years the three of us gurls were inseperable until Cass moved away :( but now we get together whenever we can even if it's only once in awhile (wow I am having typing issues today lol).
In other news Eric and I had a long talk the other day about how I was feeling and he told me he would work on those things that were bothering me, and I will try to work on controlling my psycho hormones lol. I am so glad that he is as mature as he is, it really makes things easy on me going through this.
Well thats all I have to report for now my drs appointment is in 3 days!!!!!
Love you all,
Sara D.

Confusion

2009-02-02T17:26:00.000-08:00

So things are going pretty well right now, except that Eric really confuses me sometimes.
He says he's going to be there for me through this but sometimes the other things he says contradict that, I don't really know what to think right now, I know that a lot of this thought process comes from being pregnant and hormonal and that somedays I may think I hate Eric, when I know I really don't. I care about him a lot and our relationship is going great, I am just confused and scared because this all happened so fast. I mean we have only been dating a few months, and I kinda wish we could go back and start over for a while, but we can't and it is what it is. I keep praying that he and I can make this relationship work and it's going really well so we will see.
That's about it for now, appointment is next week!
Sara D.

Things are starting to sink in/Yearning to fufill my dreams

2009-01-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

So about a week and a half ago I was in the ER because I was at work and started bleeding bright red, I was sooo scared, turns out I was just dehydrated so they gave me 3 bags of fluids and sent me on my way, well after doing a ton of blood work and an ultrasound.
The ultrasound said that I was roughly five weeks and three days along and my estimated due date is September 16th, so now that it has been awhile I am around about 7 weeks along and things are really starting to sink in, I am now more aware of what I eat, what kinda of headache medications I am taking, everything like that.
The other night I had a totally hormonal moment when I was hanging out with Eric, I started bawling my eyes out and he just put his arms around me and held me close so I could cry on his shoulder, he's so wonderful, and I am soooo grateful for him.
So pretty much everyone at walmart knows that I am pregnant, there's this one guy who keeps asking one of my friends if Eric and I are still together because he wants to date me I guess, what do I say or do to that?
So I have been watching American Idol with my cousin lately and it makes me wonder...what if I tried out next year or something? For those of you who don't know, singing is my biggest passion in life, I would give anything to make a life out of music (without all the Britney Spears drama of course), and everyone who knows me really well knows (not to toot my own horn here or anything), that I am an amazing singer. I have actually been told at karaoke nights out with the girls, that I am the best Amy Lee impersonator they have ever heard. I absolutely love singing Evanescence music because her voice is so challenging to match and I think I do a pretty good job doing her justice. So I think that once my child is grown up a little bit if American Idol is still going strong...that I am going to have to try out. Who knows you just might know a future American Idol (or at least an American Idol contestant lol). I really do think that I have a chance to at least make it to Hollywood if not to the top twelve and maybe even number 1, so there is a glimpse of what my future goals and dreams entail, wish me luck as I prepare myself for that endeavor.
Well folks that's all I got,
Lot's of love to you,
Sara D.
Aka...mommy to be

Ready for a bombshell?

2009-01-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

So I've been feeling really outta sorts lately, been really sick and even more emotional then I normally am, so I went to the Dr. and they did some blood work and I found out that I am pregnant.
Now I know what everyone is going to ask next, Am I married or going to get married? The answer to that is no at least not at this current point in time. Eric and I are still going to date and try and make this relationship work and if we are some of the lucky ones we will end up together forever (which is what I honestly want and pray for).
I know that I have made a mistake in the way that this has been done, and I hope that everyone in my family can love and support me through this difficult period of time in my life (even if no one really agrees with it), I know that all of you do love me and that you will be there for me.
I promise to keep everyone updated and I have my first dr's appointment on the 10th of February to find out exactly how far along I am and when I am due.
I am scared to death right now, I never planned on being a mother this early in my life and especially under these circumstances, but I am planning on going through with this and raising my child. I know that this isn't really the ideal way to tell you all but I really have no other way.
In other news I started working at Sears today and I don't know how to feel about it yet I will decide more after a week or two there.
I also talked to my assistant at walmart and chances are good that I am going to go back there next month, I am gonna need the money pretty badly after all.
Well that is all I have for now hope everyone else is doing well.
Love you all,
Sara D.

Me from A to Z

2009-01-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

A-Attached or single? Attached
B-Best friend{s}? If I had to pick a couple best friends, it would be Becky and Larry and Eric is up there too lol
C-Cake or pie? Cake
D-Day of choice? Tuesdays and Wednesdays are great cause I get to see Eric
E-Essential item{s}? Eyeliner and Mascara
F-Favorite color{s}? Pink & black
G-Gummy bears or worms? I like cinnamon bears do those count
H-Hometown? Well I was born in Salt Lake City Utah but I have lived in Billings Montana for most of my life
I-Favorite indulgence{s}? Mountain Dew
J-January or July? July- I love the summertime
K-Kids? No kids maybe someday in the future
L-Life isn't complete without? Love
M-Marriage date? Not married (yet hehe)
N-Number of brothers and sisters? 2 sisters
O-Oranges or apples? Oranges
P-Phobia and fears? Dying alone and snakes!!!!
Q-Quote{s}? "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, then to speak and remove all doubt."
R-Reason to smile? Eric
S-Season of choice? Summer
T-Tag three people: My mom, Brittanny, and Tiel
U- Unknown fact about me? I am actually quite strong
V-Vegetable? Corn on the cob & Broccoli
W-Worst habit? Sometimes I can be brutally honest or sarcastic & other times I just lie.
X-X-ray or ultrasound? Xray
Y-Your favorite food? Chocolate
Z-Zodiac sign? Leo

My Mother Tagged Me.

2009-01-10T22:26:00.001-08:00

Mark and X next to ones you have completed:

Swam in the ocean
Gone to Washington DC
Gone on a blind date X

Skipped school X (Yeah and my parents about killed me)

Watched someone die X
Been to Canada
Been to Mexico

Been to Florida X
Been to a foreign country
Been on a plane
Been lost X
Been on the opposite side of the country
Cried yourself to sleep X
Played cops and robbers X

Recently colored with crayons X

Sang Karaoke X
Paid for a meal with coins only X
Skipped out without paying for a meal
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? X
Made prank phone calls X
Caught a snowflake on your tongue X

Watched the northern lights dance X
Danced in the rain X
Written a letter to Santa Claus X
Been kissed under the mistletoe X
Watched the sunrise with someone X
Watched the sunset with someone X
Blown bubbles X
Can hula hoop? I can for about 2 seconds lol

Gone ice-skating X

Been skinny dipping outdoors

Gone to the movie's ALONE X
Gone to a horror movie and laughed through it – Yes actually quite a few, they are just so predictable anymore

1. Any nicknames? Bear, Sara D., Skitlez, Red
2. Mother's name? Lesli
3. Favorite drink? Mountain Dew it's my biggest addiction
4. Body Piercing? Ears, and I used to have my tongue pierced
5. How much do you like your job? I am currently unemployed, but I did enjoy my job at walmart for the most part.

6. Dad's name? David
7. Favorite vacation? Hanging with my friends back on summer vacation days
8. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes
9. Ever eaten mud? Yes – when I was just a wee one.

10. Ever been on TV? Not that I can recall

11. Ever steal any traffic signs? I personally have not but I know a few people who have.
12. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
14. Can you drive a standard car? Yes

15. Favorite pie? Pumpkin pie with lots of coolwhip

16. Favorite number? 16

17. Favorite movie? Currently a toss up between Twilight and The Dark Knight
18. Favorite dessert? Anything chocolaty

19. Book on CD or regular book? Regular Books
20. Favorite food? Anything Chocolate

21. Favorite day of the week? Friday

22. Favorite brand of body wash? Tahitian Renewal (Caress)

23. Favorite toothpaste? Crest white expressions cinammon

24. Favorite smells? The air during a summer shower
25. How do you relax? Listening to music, taking a bath, or reading a really good book.
26. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully married with a couple kids
27. Furthest you will send this message? I don't honestly know
28. Who will respond to this the fastest? I don't know on this one either
29. What is your favorite breed of dog? Siberian Husky

30. Like to celebrate by going out or staying in? Going out.

Hope you all enjoy reading this I tag. My dad, Chryslynn, KD, and Tim

Lot's of love to you all,
Sara D.

This just in....

2009-01-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

So I know it's been awhile since I posted, been busy looking for work. I am getting really bored with not working it's driving me nuts. If I can't find something by the middle of February I am going to have to swallow my pride and go back to walmart...not that I really want to. It's been really nice not having to stress out about that place. However if I do go back, I refuse to be a cashier again...I can't take the stress of it anymore I would rather be unemployed then to cashier again (sounds melodramatic I know but if you worked at my store you'd understand). I have some prospects and I am hoping to get calls for interviews here soon.
On the relationship front, Eric and I are doing great, we spend a lot of our free time together and seem to get closer every time we see each other. He is a wonderful man and I am very lucky to have him in my life.
Let's see is there anything thing else? I am so excited for Tiel's baby to come, I just adore watching these wonderful children all grow up in front of my eyes and it's truly a blessing to have Micheal and the kids as a part of our family.
I think thats it for now, hope all is well with everyone else.
lot's of love,
Sara D.

Contemplating

2008-12-21T22:18:00.000-08:00

I've been doing alot of thinking lately, about my past, and that is something I have been repressing for awhile now. I've made alot of unsavory choices in my life and I am not proud of most of them, but they have given me the options of becoming who I am now.
I wonder, where would I be now if I had just done a couple things differently? For those of you who don't know I have been engaged twice, both when I was about 18 and 19, and I find myself wondering...what if? What if I had married Jason when I was 18 what would my life be like right now? Would I have kids? Or would I have gone through a seriously messy divorce?
Then there is Brian, I think about him and I am seriously thankful that that one ended, he was a controlling jerk who treated me like a piece of property rather then a woman.
I wonder about what kind of person I would be now if I hadn't made some of my more desperate mistakes. I may not be proud of my choices in the past but I believe that the character-building experiences that I went through really improved my outlook on things, but still I find myself wondering...what if?
What if I hadn't ever started doing the things that I knew were bad for me but I still decided that it would be "cool" to do them, or an even scarier thought...what if I hadn't quit?
The answer to that one is clear to me, if I hadn't turned my life around and quit doing the stupid, reckless, dangerous things that I was doing, I'd be dead.
I've had alot of time to think about all this lately and I'm grateful for all the experiences I've gone through, good and bad, because everything up to and including now, has made me who I am today.
So allow me to introduce myself to you,
I am Sara D, I am 22 years old, and I live at home with my mom and dad in MT. I have had many jobs, my most recent being a year and a half at walmart as a cashier.
I love to sing and dance, and read. I love to go shopping with my friends and spend time with my boyfriend, Eric. I am by no means perfect, but I am me and anyone who can't accept that can turn around and catch the door.
I know this was a super random blog, don't really know where it came from, I'll post more laterz.
Love you all,
Sara D.

Getting to know me

2008-12-20T12:21:00.001-08:00

So this blog is going to be about me. I have been posting for awhile and most of you really don't know much about my favorite things. So I am calling this the 7 random things about random things.

Favorite movies.
1. Twilight...it was amazing
2. The Harry Potter movies, I just love getting caught up in the fantasy world of Harry Potter.
3. P.S. I Love You, It's just so romantic.
4. Anything with Johnny Depp, I mean duh it's Johnny Depp.
5. Transformers!!!!!!!!!!
6. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, I've always been a big fan fantasy.
7. Sleeping Beauty, every girl has to have a favorite Disney princess.

Favorite Books
1. The Twilight series (as if anyone expected anything different)
2. The Harry Potter series
3. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
4.The "In Death" series
5. The "Anita Blake Vampire Hunter" series.
6.The Fablehaven series.
7. The Inheriantce trilogy.

7 Favorite Musicians
1. Buckcherry
2. David Archuleta
3. *NSYNC (I know I am a dork)
4. Taylor Swift
5. 3 Days Grace
6. Hinder
7. Linkin Park

7 Favorite Songs
1. Decode-Paramoure
2. Crush-David Archuleta
3. Gone Forever-3 Days Grace
4. Leave Out All The Rest-Linkin Park
5. Lips Of An Angel-Hinder
6. Everything-Buckcherry
7. Let It Rock-Kevin Rudolf

7 Favorite TV Shows
1. CSI-Miami
2. Friends
3. Two and A Half Men
4. Family Guy
5. Futurama
6. The Girls Next Door
7. Sex and the City

7 Dream Vacation Spots
1. Paris
2. Venice
3. Rome
4. London
5. New York City
6. Madrid
7. Tokyo

7 Favorite Video Games
1. Guitar Hero
2. Kingdom Hearts
3. Kingdom Hearts 2
4. Final Fantasy X-2
5. SingStar
6. Transformers
7. Anything Mario

7 Random Facts About Me.
1. I love to sing and dance it's my biggest passion.
2. I've been reading chapter books since I was in the first grade and reading at a college level since the fourth grade.
3. I am a great cashier, I've been told so by numerous people.
4. I am a very hyper person, I always seem to have a ton of energy.
5. I am dating a great young man named Eric, he was wonderful and treats me like a princess.
6. I love to write. Poems, short stories, blogs, whatever as long as I can write.
7. I love my family and friends more then anything in the world.

So there you guys go, some random facts about Sara D. that you may or may not have known.
I hope that everyone is doing well. Love you all.
Hugs,
Sara D.

Twilight!!!!!!

2008-12-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

So as I'm sure you guessed from the title I finally went and saw Twilight, and I absolutely loved it!!!!!!!! They did such a great job on it, the Cullen family was PERFECT!!!!! I thought the most gorgeous character by far was Emmet he was delicious, although James could hang, for a bad guy he was gorgeous.
I was super impressed with the whole thing though, everything down to the ballet studio, and the schools. I cannot wait to see it again. OMG...I just fell in love with it. I can't wait for New Moon to come out and see how wonderful that was is.
In other news I am still currently job searching and hoping that something comes out of this search. I am really missing my walmart family lately though. I never realized how much I cared about all of them till I didn't get to see them anymore. I went in the other day to take my New Moon and Eclipse books in for my friend Eva's mom Tina to read, and I got stopped every other footstep I swear with people asking me what happened to me and if I was going to come back when my sixty days is up and I told them I don't know. I do know however that my contacts list in my phone book has like tripled in size since I quit lol apparently I was very much loved there.
Well thats about all for now I will post more soon.
Hugs,
Sara D.

Job hunt...day 1.

2008-12-12T23:39:00.000-08:00

So today I decided to get my rear in gear right away to look for a new part time job. I went to the mall and put applications in almost every single store there and I'm hoping something comes from that, but my friend Becky is going to pick me up tomorrow and we are going to put out more applications in tomorrow so I will hopefully have a new job soon.
It felt so weird to go into walmart today and see the long lines and not have to start stressing out. It was another day filled with tears and hugs when I ran into some of the people I hadn't gotten to tell yet. I got alot of new phone numbers and promises to hang out and keep in touch. The worst goodbye for me was probably the CSM's, I really am going to miss the people, but I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to get to know all of them, I have made some wonderful life long friendships. I am so excited to begin this new chapter in my life.

I'm free!!!!!

2008-12-11T23:42:00.000-08:00

So I went to go into work tonite and when I got there my assistant manager pulled me in the back room and told me that my absences were getting pretty bad again and that they would have to take the coaching process which in this case would mean termination, I then promptly quit.
I am actually kinda relieved if that makes any sense. I have been pretty unhappy there for awhile now and this is going to be a nice hiatus. Brian would like me to come reapply in 60 days so he can rehire me. He told me my job will always be open for me and he would for sure rehire me when the time comes that I am ready to return.
So for now I am going to find a part-time job to have an income then go back to walmart after a few months when I can handle it again.
Things with Eric and I are going great, he really truly is a blessing to me, I feel so amazed to have gotten lucky enough to have a man who treats me so well and makes me feel so good about myself.
I'm kinda nervous about not working at walmart, I mean I have been there for so long and am so used to the routine of it, but it will be good for me to do something different for awhile. I am really going to miss my walmart family I mean they have been so amazing to me for so long and have helped me through some of the worst times in my life. It's so hard to imagine not seeing them everyday now. There were a lot of tears when I told everyone and a lot of hugs.
I'm also going to apply for the next semester of college at msu in bozeman, I have a couple of friends up there who said I could stay with them until I could get established up there, so there is an option and so is UofM in missoula I have some friends up there too. I am really excited to start a new chapter of my life and hopefully someday soon I can walk back into my walmart and have everyone be proud of what I have done with myself. I am going to take this as an oppertunity to better myself. I wont let this break me, I can survive through this. So like I said in the title I'm Free and I can do this!!!!!!!
Hugs and Kisses,
Sara D.

Voiceless in Montana

2008-12-07T14:04:00.000-08:00

So I woke up this morning feeling sicker then a dog, I lost my voice and I have a high fever. So I called in to work and now I have a whole night off. I called Eric to tell him I wasn't gonna make it in to work and he told me that it made him sad that he wasn't going to get to see me today. He is so sweet. I am so lucky to have him in my life. Recently I have had a few ex boyfriends try and pop back up into my life and I hung out with one of them the other day and all it did was make me realize how happy I am with Eric and how lucky I am to have him. I am so amazed that this wonderful man is in my life and wants to be with me. When I met Eric I wasn't looking for a boyfriend I was just loooking for a friend, and I never would've expected that Eric and I would end up like this, I am so amazed and honestly very excited to see how things progress between us. I had all but given up on relationships before we started hanging out. I wanted nothing to do with them at all I was to the point that I thought that relationships were a waste of time, and as soon as I stopped looking for it, it found me. I am so excited that everything is going so well for me other then being sick. I am starting to go job hunting here soon too. I need to get out of walmart. well thats it for now talk to y'all later.
Lot's of Love,
Sara D.

And...on to number three

2008-12-07T00:42:00.000-08:00

So work absolutely sucked tonight, I get there and everyone is in a bad mood and to top it off we are busy as heck so I jump right on into it and then I have nothing but jerk off customers. I'm just wondering since when is it considered correct social decorum to treat a perfect stranger like they are a piece of garbage that you can step on? I was under the impression that it was wrong to mistreat anyone let alone someone you don't know. I mean seriously how is it okay to tell someone you don't know that they are useless or worthless or dumb? My self esteem has taken a severe beating since I started working there and it's only getting worse. I know I shouldn't listen to what people say I mean chances are I'm never going to see any of them ever again so my should I worry what they think of me? What does it really matter? I absolutely hate that I'm so sensitive because I'm always getting hurt or let down. I wish I could be tough and not care but sometimes it gets so overwhelming when you try not to care. Eric is pretty worried about me after tonight because I had a few issues with a couple of the overnight supervisors and I ended up in the back room by claims crying and he walked past and saw me even though I was hiding in a corner, he came up to me and hugged me and asked me what was wrong and I wouldn't even tell him I just wiped my eyes and went in the bathroom and fixed my make up. Thats another thing thats upsetting me is my overwhelming paranoia of getting hurt, I can't even open myself up to be cared for by Eric because of what other men have put me through I have these walls up that I can't seem to tear down. Maybe with time I will be able to and hopefully it's not too late, I really don't want to lose him.
Well I am exhausted and I am going to bed now I will post more soon.
Hugs, kisses, and lot's of love going to everyone,
Sara D.

Two days in a row woo hoo I'm on a roll

2008-12-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

So I was just sitting here being bored and I decided to post another blog. I really don't know what this one is about but I'll just make it up as I go.

I start working my four pm to 1 am shifts today and I am really not looking forward to it except that I get to spend a little bit more time with Eric he's gonna be picking me up before work and then he wants to spend lunch with me and hang out after work.

I am really starting to get frustrated with things at work because I work my rear end off and I seem to get absolutely nowhere for it. I know how to work almost every department in the store and I continue to be stuck where I am at, while people who have not been with the company nearly as long as me or who don't work nearly as hard as I do and moving up in the company and I just hate watching it. Granted I am happy for everyone who is able to move up and progress I just wish that I could.

Anyways, my dad got the tire on the van fixed and the only other damage was that I lost the hubcap for the tire and he would like me to go look for it. Well I have to get ready to go to work now so I will update more later on.

Lot's of love,
Sara D.

I suck at keeping this thing updated

2008-12-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

So here's whats new with me. I am still working at walmart but they have been training me out in automotive so I am thinking that after the holidays that I might move departments because I have alot of fun out there. I am also seeing someone new, we have been hanging out for the last month almost every nite and we are getting along great. He's really sweet and he is always telling me I am beautiful. His name is Eric he is 22 and we have alot in common. He makes me laugh and I'm really happy with a guy for the first time since Bobby and I broke up last march or may whatever it was I don't really care anymore.
Eric and I met at work about three or four months ago and we started talking on occasion when we'd see eachother and slowly the conversations started getting longer and longer until one day I decided to give him my phone number and when I didn't hear from him after a week I figured thats that.
Well one night I was with my friend Jessica getting ready for the buckcherry concert and out of the blue he texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out after the show. So we met up and went to the Circle Inn to do some karoke and Jessica wanted to go home so she took Eric back to his car and he asked if I still wanted to hang out...and I did so we drove around for awhile and when he took me back home......he kissed me!
Now he stops by every night after he gets off work even if it's just to give me a good night kiss.
Every day before he clocks in at 4 he finds what register I'm on so he can say hi and give me a hug and then I go to the backroom to say goodbye to him before I go home.
In other news I got into my first snow realted car wreck on tuesday when I was coming home from Laurel the interstate was really icy and I went into the median but the only thing that happened was that I ripped the tire off the rim and it just needs popped back on and pilled and balanced. Other that that I have no news. I will really try to keep this thing updated more often I love you all.
Sara D.

Life According to Sara

2008-08-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

So I know I am horrible about posting but lately I have no internet. I just want to update everyone on how I am doing.
So I am still working at Walmart and am quickly approaching my one year anniversary. I am so happy with my job I enjoy the people I work with and my job in general. I am now training three new cashiers on top of my other responsabilites but thats cool. It's just hard to train when I am bouncing from cashier to customer service to automotive to people greeting just how the heck am I gonna accomplish anythin with my trainee?
On the guy front I have met someone new and things are going well but we have decided to take things really slow because we both recently got out of serious relationships. So that is all I have for now hopefully I will post more soon

Moving On

2008-06-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

So I know it's been a really long time since I last posted a blog. So here's an update on my life.

I am now living on my own on the west end. I had moved in with the guy I was dating and about two weeks after we moved in we broke up. He continued to live there for about a month and a half longer which really hurt me every day. I am now starting to heal and move on. I still love him dearly and wish him nothing but the best in life and his future but I can no longer have him as a regular part of my life.

In other news I have been going through a serious bout of depression and it's causing anxiety attacks for me so I went to work and they had to put me on a leave of abscence while I was dealing with this. I have an appointment on Thursday at the deering clinic to get back on my lithium and hopefully that will settle my brain down. I can't keep feeling so low all the time. It's making me sick literally. All I seem to do anymore is cry all the time. I wake up and cry, I got to work and cry, I go to bed at night and cry myself to sleep. I just hurt all the time. I feel so broken and abused and to be completly honest...terrified. I am terrified of being alone and unloved and dying without someone there for me. My new roomates mom has offered to help me for free. I am really scared of the pain I am feeling.

Anyways thats about it for now. I will leave you more news soon.

What would you do?

2008-03-07T23:59:00.004-08:00

So the other day at work I had the world's worst customer, here's the story.

I was working on a belted lane, and we were really frickin busy, this lady comes through my line and was really nice until she went to pay for her purchases.... and her check got declined. For those of you who don't know the Wal mart that I work at does electronic checking which means as the cashier I have no say in weather or not the check gets accepted or declined...well her check (for reasons unknown to us) got declined and she freaked out and her demeanor changed instantly. She kept asking me why it was declined and I told her that I didn't have acess to that information and that if she wanted to know why she needed to call the number on the declined slip and Telecheck would let her know why, well she proceeded to tell me she wanted someone competent to come over and take care of it so I called over a Customer Service Manager (CSM) and Sparkles came over to help out and told the lady the exact same thing I had so the lady looks and Sparkles and tells her that she needs to do something cause she's gonna pay for her purchase and leave and my CSM tells her that there is nothing we can do and unless she has another form of payment that we can't take her check, so the lady literally loses it and next thing I know I have a duffel bag flying at my face, she pulled it out of her cart and threw it at me), then I see a plastic bag full of other items flying at me...then I see a metal curtain rod coming straight for my nose. I was able to catch the items before they hit me but still very scary. So Sparkles slams her keys and the palm pilot down on my bag carasol and tells the lady that she is escorting her and her husband out of the store. Her husband then proceeded to tell Sparkles that his wife had low blood sugar and thats why she reacted the way that she did so Sparkles tells him that she doesn't care and the issue was not my fault and she had no right to assault her cashier like that and her husband "Well it was all your cashiers fault." I was extremely upset at being assaulted so Sparkles sent me to the bathroom to calm down for a minute when I got in there another CSM Lora followed me in there to make sure I was okay and she told me to sit in there as long as I needed and just to cry it out. Well I was in there for about 10 minutes and when I came out Assistant Manager Brian was standing over by the CSM podium and walked over to me and asked me about what happened then sent me to lunch an hour early. Needless to say I almost walked out and if it hadn't been for Assistant's Brian and Darcy and Co-Manager Ken I probably would have.
So I went back in today for my shift and I was actually doing really well...until I got my first check order...I had a mini panic attack in the 2 seconds it took for the check to clear, then when I got my first irritated customer, I got so scared I almost started crying again.
Do you know what it feels like to be terrified of your own job? I get verbally assaulted on a regular basis! I can understand being scared of being physically assaulted while walking to the car late at night, but being scared of being beat up while I'm on the clock behind my register? Does that make any sense? I think I might honestly have a touch of post traumatic stress (I know I am probably over-reacting but the term fits for now).
I don't know what to do I am honestly terrified of angry customers now. I talked to my store manager and he told me he would personally make sure that those two were not welcomed back, shouldn't that make me feel any better? I don't know whatever. I am going to bed now.

The old and the new

2008-03-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking lately... about the past and the present alot.

Last night my boyfriend and I had a really long discussion about where our realtionship is going and it scared me because for once I really don't know. I used to think I knew where everything was headed but as you can see I don't.
For those of you who don't know I have been engaged twice since I turned 18 and both of those guys treated me like garbage. Thank goodness both realtionships fell through cause if I had married either of those guys it would have ended in divorce I can honestly say that is the truth.
I am so happy to be with the man that I am with. He treats me like I am a queen and I greatly apprecaite him.
So the old is now something I have decided to let go finally. I am done with the what if's of the past and I look forward the future in the realtionship I am in now.

Life is complicated

2008-02-26T21:28:00.001-08:00

So I have been super busy, work and all that.

I really want to go to school, but I can't seem to work up the motivation to want to apply. I guess it's fear of rejection, I don't know weather or not I will get accepted and that scares me. I don't like being rejected for anything, and I fear not getting into school.
Then there's the fear of failure, I get nervous about it. I know myself well enough that when I stress out over something too hard, I tend to quit and just give up, this is something I have struggled with for years. I hate that I get so nervous about things and then I tend to obsess about the issue even long after it has been resolved.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to work at wal-mart for the rest of my life but it feels safe, I don't know if that will make sense to anyone else, but it works for me. I am in a position at work that means the only way I can lose my job is if I screw up beyond belief, which is honestly very hard to do. There are also plenty of oppertunites for advancement but you look and see how long most of the cashiers have been at my store and they are all still where they were to begin with, that scares me too.
On another note, my personal life has been going great. I have been seeing this guy for a few months now and things are wonderful, our realtionship is not perfect by any means (but whose is?), but it works for us. I adore him and he adores me back. We take good care of each other.
I have really been missing my younger sister as of lately and don't really know how to say it to her but I think she knows. I would really like to go and visit her sometime.
Tiel and I have been doing really well with our realtionship too, I think that Annicka has had a lot to do with bringing us closer together.
I don't know what else to say really so I am going to end this now.
Good night and much love,
Sara D.

So yeah this is my life

2008-02-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

Most of my family seems to have one of these so I figured I would create one. So I guess here goes. Hey my name is Sara D. and if u haven't guessed I am a walmart cashier. I love my job but goodness it's stressful sometimes.
Me and one of my coworkers calculated it out the other day and on a busy day at my store I deal with about 875 people a day. We get people from all over the state as well as WY and the Dakotas.
So enough about my job. I am 21 years old and live in MT. I am currently in a realtionship with a wonderful man whom I absolutley adore. I love to sing, dance, talk on the phone, play with my neice, and all sorts of other things. I'll be getting back atcha sometime soon ya'll hope you like my blogspot.